Continuing on with 2019
This was a facebook post originally but it was long af and my dad’s internet is being whack so hopefully it posts here!
I’m seeing a lot of NYE posts about pain from 2018 and hope for 2019. Frankly, this is a trend I’m noticing every New Year’s- people lamenting on their woes from the year prior and hoping for better. I would be lying if I didn’t say I hadn’t experienced pain, loss or grief as well this year. I’ve been deceived and disrespected. I’ve had hardships and uncertainties come my way either by my own doing or just by the way life does its thang. You know what else I’ve experienced? Unconditional love and support from places I would have never assumed would make space or time from me. I’ve been shown compassion when I felt I didn’t deserve it, and I’m sure I have been forgiven by those who didn’t necessarily want to let go.
In 2018, I continue my path. I continue to learn things I’ve been told about myself, things I’ve been told are virtuous, things I’ve been told are inherently good or inherently bad- are actually just suggestions. I’ve learned staying rigid, even in my own beliefs is not righteous but rather self-righteous and limits our capacity for others and for situations. I’ve celebrated MY capacity for love, compassion and forgiveness, despite been treated poorly.
I have always been a perpetual optimist. Many times I’ve regretted that and felt foolish and naive because of it- but I continue to believe that is one of my best qualities. To believe the best in people, the best in the world and the best in ourselves without restriction has been a pretty good way to continue being hopeful.
In 2018, for as much as I have been hurt, I have equally been loved.
This year I continue to trust situations and people that demonstrate that life has a natural flow and rhythm that reflects you and where you are at. If you don’t like how you are being treated, or the situation that you are in- then it is up to you to take a step up and out and start making moves to create something better for yourself. When you believe the best in and for yourself, the best outside of yourself is waiting to match you.
At least, that’s what I continue to believe.
This year I have done a lot of breaking up. I broke up with people who couldn’t participate in my life in a healthy way. I broke up with the people who told me they held the keys to my professional successes. I am breaking up with all the negative things I ever agreed about myself. I broke up with the notion that forgiveness is a limited resource; or that me giving my forgiveness to someone or something would mean I was losing a part of my own integrity or virtue. That’s fake. Forgiveness is unlimited, it doesn’t detract from anything except the heaviness of your own heart. Somedays are harder than others, fasho- but I am breaking up with literally anything or anyone that doesn’t serve or support me so I can have space for those that do. (This includes some of my own bullshit behaviors btw)
For all the difficulties I’ve faced last year, and each year really- I continue on.
No matter where you are, where you feel you should be or where you wish you were- continue on.
No matter the size of improvement- continue on.
Baby steps still move you forward. Happy New Year doodles, may we all continue on.