The View from Here (some thoughts on perspective)
It’s not the weight of the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
So. Let me take a moment to do some real talk right now. I had wanted to do this theme as a blog for a while now, but it’s actually been kind of hard. Mostly because when I’ve felt very inspired and really pumped on positivity and good vibes, it’s been at extremely inconvenient times to write. When the time is more appropriate, I’ve been noticing that I’m catching all sorts of feelings. Many of them not positive or good ones.
For the record, no one in the history of anything has lived a life with ONLY great and magical days filled with sunshine and butterflies. Ever. (I haven’t done any research on that but I’m pretty confident making such a broad assumption)
For me, for example, today has been a pretty tough day. Like full on meltdown in front of a LOT of strangers. And for nothing in particular really, mostly just the accumulation of all the stresses that I face in my day to day life. We all have them… they might have different names and faces but they are all the same things: just stress.
Basically, I’m George Costanza incarnate, so a fly can literally give me palpitations and ruin my entire day. It’s exhausting. Compound that with, you know, life in general and it I’m basically Brittney Spears in 2007.
So I am really trying to take this time in my life to reflect who I am, really. Like not who I wish I was or who my ego thinks I am or who I think I should be. Just actually who I am, and also how I can get through life (and stress) the best way with the tools I have now.
Unfortunately, happiness is not a genetic trait. It is something that most of us have to work on and make a conscious decision to feel. And in order to keep up that happy momentum, I keep thinking in each case and each trying moment I’ve had, that’s mean one thing: change the perspective.
I have a very good friend who visited me in September. He told me he started to try this new thing to change his perspective and get extra positivity in his life. Instead of saying “I have to go to the DMV today” he says now, “I get to go to the DMV today.” And just a subtle shift in the use of language from “I have to…” to “I get to…” really does make you realize most of the things we complain about, especially the ones that feel like obligations or burdens even, are actually choices that we get the privilege to make. After he shared that with me, I have been trying to do that anytime I feel like complaining, and you know what? It’s a pretty good (and pretty quick) attitude adjustment.
Thought: The beauty and tragedy of humankind is that we all have pain. There will always be negative factors that touch our lives, and as simple as it is to say “just change it!” actually, in realty that’s really hard and somethings are just really super heavy. That’s life though, the weird, crazy, awful, scary, beautiful, hilarious lives we all live. (It’s pretty hectic if you think about it too much)
I’ve noticed throughout the weeks, that perspective isn’t all black and white when it comes to perspective. It’s not just the the haves and the have nots. Nor is it just happiness and sadness. It also translates into fear and faith. Neediness into gratitude…
In my Costanza kinda way, a lot of new and different things in my life are actually really terrifying. (As they are all happening at once) But, if I’m completely honest, most of those fears of the unknown has turned out to be huge leaps (sometimes literally) into the right direction of where I am going in my life.
Sometimes the only mode of transportation available, is a leap of faith.
At first I thought it was naive or too romantic even to have the idea that when everything seems impossible, your faith will carry you. Having a little faith in ANYTHING, your religion, a friend, a coach, your alarm clock… you will be shocked to know that they are there to catch you, and help guide you. But you have to jump first.
Sometimes we fall, relationships fail, money is tight, there’s not enough time in a day…whatever the stress may be, the perspective can always change. The word “fail” has really gotten a bad wrap. Like, it is a BAD word and it is a BAD when it happens. Failure is scary. When, actually, with a little faith it can be such a useful tool to help you learn and grow and even end up where you need to be. Knowing what’s good only comes from a form of failure, which actually isn’t bad at all. It may have been good for a time, but it failed. It not longer fits. You take what you learned from it and you move on. So basically, what I’m trying to say is that failing isn’t a complete failure. (Stay with me)
Another thing about perspective: when did asking for help, or maybe even more importantly, when did accepting help become a sign of weakness? Why do we look at accepting offers, or even compliments as something other than gratitude? For real though, how easy is it to deflect a compliment instead of accept it? It seems like by doing that we try to be humble, or instead of accepting an offer of help, we try to be strong. It actually kind of discounts someone else and also a potential moment for one of the truest forms of intimacy: being vulnerable. (Also, not a bad thing to be vulnerable, on the contrary probably a really good thing, scary, but really really good)
So I am trying my best. I really am. Some days have been better than others. Something I started doing, and I invite you to do the same; I got myself a little baby journal (this thing is SO little and SO adorable) and every night before you go to sleep try to write at least one positive thing about yourself/your day/something that you’re grateful for (maybe even go for all three- expert mode) Some days I have A LOT to put down (they kind of manifest after a while) some days, I don’t have a lot to put down… (it happens) Not every day is the best day. Today was definitely not the best day.
If you are struggling and can’t think of even ONE thing to write, then put this:
“My body and my mind allowed me to get up today.”
Time to write.